i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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