OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its liver damage thursday
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
