Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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