Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
