I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
