she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
