I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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