I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
