508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
