he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
