I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
