HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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