I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
