butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
