Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
