i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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