I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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