I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
