I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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