I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
