Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
