just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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