I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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