Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
