hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the condom got lost in my hair
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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