I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
