I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
