i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
