Will you blow on my dice?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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