Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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