i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
