and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i've created a new STD.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
