remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
