Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Everything about him screamed your future.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
