u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
