ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
