17 year olds will be the death of me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize