Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sext me about skeletons
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
