In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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