I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
