My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
