I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
