I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
