i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
