mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
