I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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