Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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