and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
