If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
