Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
