Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.