Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'