I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt