I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.