my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.