I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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