I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
