That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
