Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
