Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
