Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
