Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
