I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
