theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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