she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
