i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
