i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
