u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
