Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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