I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
