If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
40s are totally the cure
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
