How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
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Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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