i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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