Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
