Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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