Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
