3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
