you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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