she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
