My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
