Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
